Tuesday, March 20, 2018

The Sad Saga of Barbie's Middle Siblings: a Smack Dab Investigative Report

As usual, the first born
gets all the breaks.

           No, Barbara Millicent Roberts is NOT a Middle Child. But when I heard it was her “birthday” a couple of weeks ago, (she came into the world March 9, 1959), it got me thinking. I knew Barbie had a younger sister, Skipper. But were there any other Roberts siblings? And if so, are there any Middle Children? On my journey of discovery, I uncovered a series of mysterious disappearances, equally curious reappearances, countless cosmetic modifications, unsettling childhood mortality, and multiple aliases -- not to mention some serious identity issues. It’s a twisted tale that, much like Barbie’s own head, would make anyone's head spin.
Skipper: No doubt
she's a Middle Child.

          It goes without saying that being the younger brother or sister of a famous older  sibling is never an easy thing. But being one of Barbie’s younger siblings was far from like living in a dream house.
          Take Skipper, for example. First appearing on the scene in 1964, Skipper (a.k.a. “Malibu Skipper,” “Growing Up Skipper,” “Super Teen Skipper,” “Hot Stuff Skipper,” “Teen Fun Skipper,” “Pizza Party Skipper,” and “Teen Skipper”), clearly had issues finding herself. In 1965, she officially became a Middle Child when twin siblings Tutti and Todd enter the picture. Sadly, they both left us in 1971. Or did they? In 1991 Todd is reincarnated, and by 1992, he vanishes again. Very sketchy.
          That same year the Roberts’ welcome Kelly to the family, although it’s questionable exactly how welcome she is because soon after arriving, she becomes Stacie. Oh, and then we’re told she's the  twin sister of Todd! WTF!? No wonder he went missing. It’s like some surreal soap opera. And then things get really weird.
          In 1995, we find out there’s another Kelly! While the first Kelly, now Stacie, is with us to this day, Kelly #2 is a goner by 2010. In 1999, little Krissy comes along, but not for long. She’s out of the  picture by 2001. Sad.
Tutti & Todd: Some Middle Children
have it tougher than others.

          Finally in 2010, Chelsea shows up. Normally, the most recently born would be the baby, but this is the Roberts family, after all. Chelsea, born after Krissy, is actually older than Krissy. Makes perfect sense, especially when you consider Barbie was born in 1959, but her parents didn’t come into the picture until 1960. Don’t ask.
          So, what did my investigation reveal? Well, clearly there are some very shaky limbs on Barbie’s  family tree. But yes, there are multiple Middle Children in the Roberts family. And I’m really glad I played with Lego growing up.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

ON THIS DAY IN 1876...

     
Does the name Elisha Gray
ring a bell? Didn't think so.

     Who invented the telephone? For some, it's a Gray area. While Alexander Graham Bell received US Patent #174,465 on this day for his new invention, Middle Child/electrical engineer Elisha Gray came this close to being a household name. And I’m holding my fingers so they almost touch when I say that.
     On February 14, 1876, Gray went to the U.S. Patent office to file a caveat, a declaration stating his intention to apply for a patent for his version of the telephone. He should’ve got there sooner. It turns out another Middle Child filed a patent for the same invention a few hours earlier. Yeah, that Bell guy.
     Gray’s lawyers accused Bell of stealing the invention by engaging in bribery and shady dealings with the patent office. In fact, one patent office employee admitted he was an alcoholic deeply in debt to Bell’s lawyer. But in the end, the courts upheld Bell’s patent, finding Gray’s argument didn’t ring true.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

The Greatest Middle Child Movies NEVER Made: 90th Academy Awards Edition

         2017 was a banner year for Middle Child cinema. So it’s with great pleasure we present for your consideration, this year’s Best Middle Child Picture nominees:

Pay no attention to that Middle billboard!

What every Middle Child hopes for.

Every Middle Child knows the feeling.

(To see more “Greatest Middle Child Movies NEVER Made, click HERE.)


Friday, March 2, 2018

ON THIS DAY IN 1904...


          Today we wish a Happy Birthday to Theodor Geisel. You probably know him better as Dr. Suess. Ted was the second of three siblings and the only boy -- a true Smack Dab Middle Child. Suess was actually his mother’s maiden name, which was also his middle name, and ultimately his pen name.
CLICK HERE 
to see for yourself.
          The good doctor wrote and illustrated 48 books, selling over 600 million copies. While “The Cat in the Hat” and “Green Eggs and Ham” are some of his most famous works, a lesser known title is one of my favorites. “Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!” is the story of an anthropomorphic dog-like creature who has clearly overstayed his welcome. Throughout the book, Marvin is being asked to leave by an unseen individual. While many suspect it’s the tale of a parent trying to get their child to bed, I know better. Marvin HAD to be a Middle Child!