Friday, February 28, 2014

A Smack Dab EXCLUSIVE: Oscar Nominee Birth Order Breakdown!

     The Smack Dab Blog is taking you behind the behind the scenes, with the scoop on the Oscar nominees you won’t find anywhere else. Probably because nobody else cares, but that’s not the point! An exclusive is an exclusive. (As a Middle Child, I’ll take whatever I can get, even if no one else wants it.) This is the only place where you can find out this year’s Middle Child nominees in the acting and director categories, along with a complete birth order breakdown for all the nominees in those categories. Of this year’s nominees, 11 are the youngest, seven are Middle Children, six are first borns, and one is an only child. But who’s counting. Last year, there were only three Mid Kid nominees, so this could be a banner year for Middle Child Actors - or more likely, an unmitigated disaster! This is your chance be that guy who knows things about the Oscar nominees that nobody else knows, or probably cares to know. Yeah, that guy.
(DISCLAIMER: This information is as accurate as Googling can be. Besides, if it's not 100% correct, who really cares?)

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The Dread Carpet: What if You Held an Awards Show, and Nobody Came?

Hollywood's Golden Boy:
Everyone's favorite eunuch.
     The 86th Academy Awards are just days away, but people have been talking about them for weeks, even months. Who will win what? Who will wear who? There are pre-Oscar parties, and Oscar parties, and Oscar after-parties. Oscar this, Oscar that. For a guy who weighs in at just 8½ pounds, stands only 13½ inches tall, and has no penis, he certainly commands a lot of attention.
     Meanwhile, the International Middle Child Union presented the Middie Awards well over a month ago (See Post), and there was barely a peep! Can you believe, not a single major TV network covered the ceremony? Not even the CW! Nobody even showed up to collect their award – typical Middle Child treatment.
The Middie Awards have a
message for Oscar: "Eat me!"
     I realize the Middie Awards don’t have the kind of budget that Oscar has, but still – I spent a nice chunk of change at Party City decorating the basement. I made, like, four full trays of Rice Krispie Treats that I have no idea what to do with now. I don’t even want to talk about the 20 piece orchestra I hired that spent the entire weekend in my guest room. That was awkward.
     I find it particularly ironic that an awards show all about celebrating attention seeking behavior can’t get any for itself! Even the Razzies get more attention than the Middies. In hindsight, maybe we need to make our award more friendly and approachable. Perhaps giving winners the finger (our Golden Middle Finger statuette) is a mistake. Maybe we need to humanize our award with a person’s name -- you know, like they did with Oscar and Emmy. “And the Malcolm goes to…” That could work. “The Jan” doesn’t sound very catchy, but “The Brady” has a nice ring to it. How about, “The Britney?” Or “The Stephie?” Your suggestions are welcome…

Coming Friday: Get your Oscar Nominee Birth Order Breakdown Pocket Guide.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Greatest Middle Child Movies Never Made.

          It's that time of year again -- Oscar-mania is sweeping the country! It's in that spirit we present, for your consideration, "The Best of MidKid Remakes."

Coming Wednesday: "What if You Held an Awards Show, and Nobody Came?"

Life ain't easy when
you're the Middle Coen brother.
Piss off a Middle Child,
and watch what happens next!
A spy gets blamed for things he
didn't do. Sound familiar?
When you can't be the favorite,
you take what you can get.
To anonymity and beyond!

This is what happens when
a Middle Child goes nuclear!
A Middle Child Mermaid yearns to be
more than an aquatic afterthought.
Sometimes, second best is the
best you can be.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Neither Snow nor Rain: Middle Child Meteorology.

Sleet: the Rodney Dangerfield
of precipitation.

     Just about everyone I speak with agrees it’s been the worst winter they’ve ever experienced. It seems every week there’s another headline about yet another major storm. All this talk about winter weather got me to thinking -- which can be dangerous – that in terms of precipitation popularity, snow and rain are clearly the frontrunners. I mean, we certainly have been hearing a lot about snow lately, and it’s a fact that it’s always raining someplace in the world. I’m sure that if you added up all the time people spend talking about the weather, snow and rain would dominate the discussion. And that’s when my Middle Child sensibilities kicked in. What about sleet? Why does sleet always seem to get the cold shoulder? Why do we have rain coats and snow boots, but not a stitch of sleet apparel?
Sleet will never be as famous
as rain or snow.
       Granted, sleet has a serious identity crisis. It’s neither here nor there. It’s not rain or snow, but something smack dab in the middle. As a Middle Child, I can’t help but feel a little bad for sleet. Can you imagine going through life being defined by what you are not? Actually, if you’re a Middle Child, you might know exactly what that feels like. Rain and snow get all the attention. Mother Nature’s favorites. “Rain Man” won an Academy Award for Best Picture. Currier and Ives immortalized snow covered landscapes in their famous prints. Why has sleet failed to capture people’s fascination like rain and snow? People write songs about rain and snow. They proclaim “It’s Raining Men,” wonder “Who’ll Stop the Rain,” and don’t seem the least bit bothered when “Raindrops Keep Falling on (Their) Head.” You ever hear anyone singing songs about sleet? Not only are people singing about the rain, they’re even “Singing In the Rain!” Snow is so beloved, people actually want to “Let It Snow.” Milli Vanilli could’ve lip-synched about sleet, but instead chose to “Blame it on the Rain.” Prince sang about “Purple Rain,” Frank Zappa sang about “Yellow Snow,” and sleet is left out in the cold.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Don't Forget to Forget the Middle Child on Valentine's Day!

          It's almost Valentine's Day. What better time to show the Middle Child in your life how much you don't care, and what better way to do it than with the latest MidMark Middle Child Valentine's Day cards!?! (See last year's cards HERE) Download and e-mail, or just share this link, but whatever you do, DON'T FORGET!! (But in case you do and you feel really guilty, you can always send a gift from the Smack Dab Shop at Cafe Press.)

It's High Time NBC Put Curling in Prime Time!

Click the icons below and SHARE to Facebook & Twitter
       I've already explained in previous posts how curling and Middle Children have a lot in common, and why the International Middle Child Union is throwing it's full support behind this overshadowed and under appreciated sport. But just because Curling is the Middle Child of Winter Olympic events, that doesn't mean NBC has to treat it like one. I mean, nobody likes being treated like a Middle Child. Not even Middle Children. Especially Middle Children. That's why I wrote this letter to NBC, asking them to stop playing favorites and give Curling a shot on the "big stage" -- a Prime Time slot, when people are actually watching. Support the International Middle Child Union Curling Crusade by sharing this letter on Twitter and Facebook. It's easy to ignore one Middle Child, but if we all band together, we can make this happen! I said it's easy to ignore one... oh, never mind.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Support the International Middle Child Union Curling Crusade!

As part of my new found and ongoing support for Curling (SEE PREVIOUS POST), I will be posting a series of Curling-related observations and information here at the blog throughout the Olympics, along with daily schedules, results, and more on Twitter @MidKidMusings.

How to Sound Really Cool When Talking About Curling (if that’s at all possible.)  It’s hard to support a sport you don’t know much about. I realize it’ll take some time to fully understand Curling -- just like a Middle Child, it can be kind of quirky -- so below are some great links to get all the details on how the game is played. There’s also a link to a Virtual curling game. There’s even a link to a “Curling for Dummies” -- swear to God. To get you started, here’s my own little Curling crash course:

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Winter Olympics: A Middle Child's Eye View

      The 2010 Vancouver Olympic games were viewed by 190 million people. That’s 34 million more people than the total viewing audience for every game of 2009 NBA Finals, World Series, Bowl Championship Series, and NCAA Championship Game combined! There’s no denying the Winter Olympics are huge, so I knew my reportage of the games would have to rise to the magnitude of this global sports spectacular. I’d have to find a bigger and better Middle Child angle than simply seeking out individual Middle Child athletes to highlight, so I decided to take it up a notch and rally support for an entire Olympic event! I spanned the globe for a sport that captures the true Middle Child spirit, never quite getting the attention or acclaim it yearns for. And that’s when it hit me – curling! You know, that quirky sport that’s kind of like shuffleboard on ice, but with brooms, and large “stones” instead of pucks.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Happy Birthday, Facebook. Thanks a lot!

Facebook launched 10 years ago today,giving Middle Children everywhere
a whole new way to feel left out, ignored, and neglected by their friends.