Monday, February 25, 2013

Oscar's Middle Children: A Post-show Review

Another kick in the balls
for Middle Child actors.
     In case you missed our exclusive LIVE Middle Child coverage of the 85th Academy Awards on Twitter (@MidKidMusings), here’s a summary. (By the way, it’s really hard finding out who’s a Middle Child, so I only looked at the major acting awards. And I only looked back 20 years, because this was fun at first, but then it just got annoying! Oh, and another thing. I’m pretty sure this information is correct, but I wouldn’t bet the house on it.)
No Oscar for you!!
     In the acting categories, only four of this year’s nominees were Middle Children. In the “Best Middle Child Actor in a Leading Role” category, Joaquin Phoenix was nominated for his performance in “The Master,” and Denzel Washington for “Flight.” Of course, neither of them stood a chance, but Daniel Day-Lewis won for his portrayal of Lincoln who was a Middle Child, so that’s kind of a moral victory. In the last 20 years, the award for Best Actor has gone to a Middle Child just three times. The last one to get the nod was Sean Penn, and he got two nods: in 2008 for “Milk,” and in 2003 for “Mystic River.” Prior to that, Denzel Washington won top MidKid acting honors in 2001 for “Training Day.”

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Metaphorical Middle Child

     As the self-appointed “Mouthpiece for the Middle Child,” it's my sworn duty to compile as much information as possible regarding our plight and offer my completely biased insights and totally skewed observations. In keeping with my vigilant reportage of all things Middle Child, I've noticed there are a lot of Middle Child metaphors floating around out there in the Twitterverse lately. (A lot of Middle Child similes too, if you want to be literal about it.) Here’s a representative sampling.
Twist us open and remove our innards.
Being A Middle Child Bites: Some of the implied comparisons I’ve come across pertain to food. The Middle Child has been compared to “the creamy middle of an Oreo cookie.” Do you know what that white stuff is made of? It’s mostly artificial ingredients and chemically enhanced fat. Is this supposed to be a good thing? It is tasty though, so I’ll take it as a compliment. But we’ve also been likened to pâté. Well, actually chopped liver, which is definitely not a good thing no matter what you think about chopped liver.
"What are we, Chopped Liver!?"

Every Day Is Middle Child's Day: There seems to be some disagreement over which day of the week is most Middle Child-like. Some maintain, “Wednesday is the Middle Child of the week,” which kind of makes a lot of sense since it really is smack dab in the middle of the week. Still, others argue “Tuesday is the misguided Middle Child of the week.” Someone even suggested “Saturday’s like the Middle Child,” which makes no sense at all since it’s nowhere near the middle of the week. It is, in fact, on the weekend. Even “special” days have been thrown into the mix. Thanksgiving, Halloween and Easter have each been mentioned as “the Middle Child of holidays.” Here’s the problem with those comparisons: there already is a “Middle Child of holidays.” It’s called Middle Child’s Day! Of course, nobody even knows it exists.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

MidMark Greeting Cards: When You Care Enough, But Not Too Much.

     It's Valentine's Day. Another chance for Middle Children to take getting their feelings hurt to a whole new level! In that spirit, we present these Middle Child Valentine's Day Cards -- especially created for that not-so-special someone in your life. Oh, and in case everyone else forgets, Happy Valentine's Day, Middle Child!



Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Stamp Out Middle Child Neglect!

Save Our Saturday... delivery!
     The United States Postal Service’s planned cancellation of Saturday mail delivery is a direct attack on Middle Children. Well, at least on me. You might wonder how cancelling Saturday delivery could have anything to do with being a Middle Child. Let me explain...   
     Like many Middle Children, when I was growing up I had an insatiable need for attention. (I say that like I don’t anymore.) I did/do whatever it took/takes to get it, and receiving mail was one of the least disruptive ways I could think of. All I had to do was send a letter to someone and they would send one back to me. MAIL = ATTENTION.  So I wrote a lot of letters. I even had a pen-pal. Every week I was assured of receiving mail. When I got home from school, I couldn’t wait to check the mailbox. To this day, I still can’t wait. Even though most mail is now junk, if it’s addressed to me it counts. I admit I have developed an unhealthy postal dependency, but I can’t get this mailbag off my back. Nor do I want to! Middle Children need all the attention we can get. Of course, times have changed, so now in addition to mail, I also eagerly await e-mail, texts, Twitter followers, Facebook “likes” and blog subscribers (hint, hint.) But old habits die hard, so I will always have a special place in my heart for receiving good old fashioned snail mail. It was hard enough making it through Sundays without it, but now Saturdays, too!? It’s almost too much for a mail-addicted Middle Child to bear!  But I do have a way the Postal Service can make this up to me – I mean us.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Is the MIDDLE ever a good thing?

The WORST finger!
     I had mentioned in a previous post that being called a Middle Child has become an insult. When someone says, “You’re acting like a Middle Child” it’s usually not because they think your behavior is exemplary. “You’re acting like a child” means one thing, but stick MIDDLE in front and it’s something even worse. But did you ever take a moment to consider ALL of the other bad things associated with the word MIDDLE? Of course you didn’t. That’s why I’m here! Allow me…
     We learn at a young age how much the MIDDLE sucks. Little kids play “Monkey in the MIDDLE,” not “Lucky Person in the MIDDLE.” And who wants to be called “MIDDLE of the road?” It’s certainly not the greatest thing to be. It’s also the place where you find dead squirrels and other road kill.