The Metaphorical Middle Child

     As the self-appointed “Mouthpiece for the Middle Child,” it's my sworn duty to compile as much information as possible regarding our plight and offer my completely biased insights and totally skewed observations. In keeping with my vigilant reportage of all things Middle Child, I've noticed there are a lot of Middle Child metaphors floating around out there in the Twitterverse lately. (A lot of Middle Child similes too, if you want to be literal about it.) Here’s a representative sampling.

Twist us open and remove our innards.

Being A Middle Child Bites: Some of the implied comparisons I’ve come across pertain to food. The Middle Child has been compared to “the creamy middle of an Oreo cookie.” Do you know what that white stuff is made of? It’s mostly artificial ingredients and chemically enhanced fat. Is this supposed to be a good thing? It is tasty though, so I’ll take it as a compliment. But we’ve also been likened to pâté. Well, actually chopped liver, which is definitely not a good thing no matter what you think about chopped liver.

“What are we, Chopped Liver!?”

Every Day Is Middle Child's Day: There seems to be some disagreement over which day of the week is most Middle Child-like. Some maintain, “Wednesday is the Middle Child of the week,” which kind of makes a lot of sense since it really is smack dab in the middle of the week. Still, others argue “Tuesday is the misguided Middle Child of the week.” Someone even suggested “Saturday’s like the Middle Child,” which makes no sense at all since it’s nowhere near the middle of the week. It is, in fact, on the weekend. Even “special” days have been thrown into the mix. Thanksgiving, Halloween and Easter have each been mentioned as “the Middle Child of holidays.” Here’s the problem with those comparisons: there already is a “Middle Child of holidays.” It’s called Middle Child’s Day! Of course, nobody even knows it exists.

Metropolitan Middle Child.

We're just another
tempest in a teapot.

Putting Middle Children On The Map: There are few cities in America that have been the butt of more jokes than Philadelphia. Except maybe Cleveland. And Newark. So when someone says, “Philly is like a Middle Child,” it might actually be one of the nicer things it’s accused of being.(On the other hand, saying a Middle Child is like Philadelphia would still be outrageously offensive!) Some of these metropolitan metaphors extend beyond the Middle Child. “Gary is the Middle Child in the family. South Bend is the baby brother,” someone I’m guessing from Indiana said. And I don’t want to start an international incident, but people have even awarded Middle Child status to entire countries! “Australia and Canada are the Middle Children. We are aware you’re present, but that's about it.” For the record, I would like to assure my Australian and Canadian readers I wholeheartedly disagree with that statement mate, eh? However I totally agree with the person who said “North Korea is like the attention seeking Middle Child,” and that has nothing to do with the fact I’m pretty sure this blog is unavailable in North Korea.

Middle Child =
Living Hell!

(YoYo)Ma always
liked you best!

       The list grows longer every day: “NC State fans are the   Middle Child no one pays attention to.” It also gets stranger:   “The cello is the ugly Middle Child.” Well, at least they weren’t   suggesting cellos are like all Middle Children. Just the ugly ones. Of course, no collection of comparisons would be   complete without paying the devil his due: “When a couple has three children, the Middle Child is Satan.” And then there’s this: “Everybody knows the lizard brain, but we often ignore the   mouse, who is the Middle Child in our brain hierarchy.”
  Hmmm -- so are they saying a lizard has a more developed   brain than a mouse, or vice versa? It's too confusing for my   rodent-like brain to figure out.