Monday, December 24, 2012

The Night Before Christmas: The Middle Child Rewrite

With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore...
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even the Middle Child, who is usually a pain in the ass.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Except for the MiddleChild's ‘cause it’s like he’s not there.
The Middle Child was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of hand-me-downs danced in his head.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Were so sick and tired of his Middle Child crap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Let’s blame the Middle Child for whatever’s the matter…
Well, you get the gist. Merry Christmas to all!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Is Middle Child Syndrome for the birds?

One of these Zebra Finches is
probably screwed. Guess which.
Researchers at the University of Lancaster Enviroment Center recently studied over 100 Zebra Finches and have concluded that hatching order impacts how birds will behave in adulthood. (This study, by the way, might be as useful as someone blogging about being a Middle Child, but that’s a whole other discussion.) Armed with this knowledge, a Middle Child can’t help but wonder -- if birth order really does influence bird behavior, does this mean birds can have Middle Child Syndrome, too? Hopefully, further study will reveal the answer to this and other burning questions: Does the father Zebra Finch constantly remind the Middle-born Zebra Finch that he doesn’t fly as well as his older brother? Do the first-born and baby Finch gang up and blame the Middle Finch when the mommy Finch wants to know why the nest is such a mess? And are Middle Finches left alone in the nest while their whole family goes out for ice cream -- I mean worms? I can tell you one thing for sure. If birds do have Middle Child Syndrome, I’ll bet they’re the ones who randomly shit on your head.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Middle Child Strike

Join the #MiddleChildStrike
     A couple of weeks ago, a Twitter follower Tweeted, "I'm going to create a Middle Child Union so all the Middle Children everywhere can strike against the universe." I'm pretty sure she was joking when she said this, but I got to thinking, "What if we really did have a GLOBAL strike?" The idea really stuck with me for two reasons. First, Middle Children are always supposed to be craving attention, right? What better what to get the attention we seek then to have a strike!? There's an estimated 70 million of us all around the world -- that's a lot of attention. Secondly, August 12th is supposed to officially be Middle Child's Day, even though nobody knows about it. If we have our strike on that day, it would be a great way to raise awareness. "But what are we striking against?" you might ask. The answer is -- WHO CARES!?! We're just trying to get some attention!! The strike would be symbolic, but we could make a list of "demands" -- things that really bother us about being a Middle Child that we'd like to change. I already started compiling a list based on real gripes people Tweet:

Monday, December 3, 2012

On a More Positive Note: Musical Middle Children

,     Just so you didn't think it was all gloom and doom for Middle Children (which it mostly is but I'm going to ignore that for now), I thought it would be nice for a change to feature some successful Middle Children. After all, it is the Holiday season! Since Middle Children are often said to be more creative than their siblings, I've chosen to feature Middle Children who have musically channeled their creative energies. Musical Mega Middle Children, if you will. The Smack Dab research department has uncovered the following: Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry -- all Middle Children.